Finding Your Personal Style Is Not Easy. Here’s One Way To Start Today.

“You’re a boy” he said as he scanned me, noticing my short, thin hair and then looking me in the eyes. An older boy was visiting my house while our mothers talked and he was not pleased with being stuck with me. I did my best to argue with him, but I remember feeling scared, confused and a little angry. Did I look like a boy? Was something wrong with me? I was only four years old.

I often ask my clients to look through old photos of themselves to get an idea of what they like to wear. On this day, I do the same.

After the day of the playdate, I told my mother I wanted my hair to be curly. I also started wearing dresses. I never wanted to be called a boy again.

I remember the feeling of the pins I wore in my hair at night before going to kindergarten. I can still feel the way the tights felt under my dresses when I went to school, how the ruffle collars tickled my chin and the little barrettes in my hair, holding on to dear life to the wispiest strands of hair, started to slump down throughout the day. In some ways, it felt like armor, protecting me from ridicule. And, in other ways it felt like a “girl costume,” something I needed to wear to be accepted as a girl even though something didn’t feel quite right.

This is my first memory of clothing being important to me and I know it shaped a lot of my feelings and attitudes towards the way I dress. My clients also share memories, often negative, that have had similar effects.

Although, what you wear or don’t wear will not magically heal past traumas, I do believe that the way you see yourself is a powerful step towards healing. Giving myself permission to let go of “girl costumes” and feeling safe in whatever I chose to wear was, and still is, a big step for me. It is an even bigger step for some of my clients. But, I get it. I understand the pressures that are put on us to look a certain way. I also understand how scary it can be to be more authentic in the way you look because it can involve being more vulnerable.

So, if you are feeling like it is time to learn more about your personal style, get out some of your old photos. Find some that you love the way you look and find some that you don’t. Pay attention to the colors, silhouettes and styles. There is so much information in the past about who we were and who we were trying to be. We are all on a journey towards self-expression. It is important to honor the path we have already taken as we move forward.

Do you have any stories from your past that have shaped the way you dress? Please share in the comments below. 

Are you looking for guidance on your style journey? Book a free consultation here.

Love,

Lisa